You make it sound like we do it on purpose and that we understand what we're doing is wrong.

We're on the inside and everything that goes on out there can just be a mystery. I know that nobody liked me if I was just myself. I was too weird and they didn't understand and made fun of me. I only got some friends when I decided not to be me anymore, and to be more like them. Of course, I couldn't get that right because I was trying to be someone I wasn't...And, yeah, it was nice to see all those popular people fail once in a while because all I ever did was fail in their eyes, like they were better than me.

I didn't understand why I was so different and why nobody could understand me and why nobody liked me. I didn't understand why nothing outside my head made any sense against what was inside my head. For a long time, I preferred my head to the company of other people because I didn't understand them and they wouldn't just leave me alone. When I did decide to be like them, they liked me better but I didn't understand why I was doing the things they did. But as long as I acted like them, they accepted me better (until they really got to know me, then I was weird all over again).

I've had enough therapy and medication that I can be pretty "normal" nowadays. I have gone back to being myself, but only with a lot of training in "how to act" around other people. They AREN'T going to understand most of what goes through my head, but now i understand that they don't need to know about all that. I have a few people who really know and understand and accept me, and a bunch of other people who accept that I'm just different and they work with me and support me.