I totally relate to all of this and well I am not so great with will power these days.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is not fun, and even if you indulge in your pleasures/temptations you are not always guaranteed to feel the elation you think you will in the long run. you will be right back to this spot at some point.
Believe me, I know. 
__________________
"Death is easy, peaceful: Life is harder"
"The Day You Turned On Me Is The Day I Died,
And I've Forgotten What It's Like,
And How It Feels To Be Alive" (Daughtry-Gone)
"And you always want what you're running from. It's always been that way." Bittersweet Lyrics by Ellie Goulding
"The reason I hold on, cause I need this hole gone." (Stay by Rihanna)
"The opposite of love's indifference." (Stubborn Love, The Lumineers)
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