i've only been all-out drunk twice. i know that if i let myself spend the money more often i would be an alcoholic. it helps me relax, and it quiets the negative thoughts. but i'm too cheap to buy it often. i maybe have a drink once every few months, maybe.

but i reacted differently for each time i was drunk. the first time was a few months before husband and i got married. i was still recovering emotionally from a bad relationship a few months before and while i was drunk i freaked out because i thought my husband (fiancé at the time) was the other guy for a few minutes. the second time was for valentine's day after daughter was born a year later. i had to stay on the alert because husband got sick from what we were drinking. we haven't gotten like that since, haha.

so, i have no idea how i am while i'm drunk. i was conscious of myself both times and neither time did i seem too different from my usual self. but idk.