I say weird because it was happening alongside me talking. It was this sudden knowing. Like a wiser being was telling me the right course to take as I was trying to talk to T about a hurt I was feeling.

I carried on talking but even as I left T (in a dissatisfied state) the knowing was there.

I can't remember where or what I read yesterday but it was something about opening ourselves up to emptiness so we could know fulfilment.

That must have gone into my subconscious because today in T it was about pain & longing and this knowledge didn't want me to run from it. I felt that even my session sort of going wrong is all part of it.

I had an awareness of the ways I abandon myself by escaping uncomfortable feelings. By always trying to make sure I leave session on a positive. Sometimes it's not possible. Things do fall apart. This too needs to be accepted.

Nothing changes if nothing changes was one of the sentences coming from inside me. And that I need to sit with my emptiness so it can be comforted.

Weird feeling.