Thanks Sannah, I just want it all to go away.

All the flashbacks all the sickness all the horrible feelings.

I spoke about some abuse for the first time ever in therapy today. I didnt say much. But it was like someone had pulled the plug and suddenly everything was out of my control and the last five hours are a complete blur, I've only just really come back round now. Its insane.

All I could think about was the first time she ever abused me. I dont even remember that much, which scares me even more. I just remember her being over me. I remember being on the floor. I remember SO distinctly the carpet I was on, I remember exactly what it looked like. How it smelt. I remember how it felt under my hands. I remember how it felt under my back. I remember it burning me. I remember looking to my right and there was something I could see on the floor far away, it was yellow and I tihnk it was a lighter and I just remember focusing everything on that lighter. But something kept happening to make me lose my focus, I cant remember exactly what but I just didnt want to be there, under her

Thats the flashback I had earlier..