Glad you are starting to talk about this.

Children CANNOT CONSENT. You didn't put yourself "out there". Someone preyed on you when they shouldn't have. You didn't have the ability or the agency to stop her.

It's not nothing if it feels like something to you. It upsets you because it felt upsetting at the time and maybe you didn't feel your feelings at the time.

I'm sorry you went through this and I'm sorry it's hitting you now. It won't always feel like this. To quote my T, you can feel lighter with the heavier things in time.