....so there's few things less painfull than life!...

and then there's more things more painful than death!

...what do I mean?

well?...surely I have nothing to compare my living death to!

.....to nothing can I compare this...

and yet!...this illness?

it stretches me out way out

...beyond my obvious handicap

...there is so much more going on here


and I can see it from everywhere I look!


....but sometimes things just become so damn meaningless...it's like the utter mind thrash over years and years thinking and thinking and worrying and the panic and all the stress from within...


...and also without!

...makes me un-naturally unwind

or so it seems!

well?...

wanna know what I believe?

this illness has it's own creative survival instinct...

it's an illusion to trust there is a comfy soft place in this world...
it's nasty seductive brutal and beautiful ...it's full on!

there is no inbetween.....

my malfunction has a purpose