I totally understand how your wife feels. I k n o w it is me that stops me from enjoying sex. I just cannot go there. Have you asked your wife what would make her more comfortable. Small things. I have to keep my shirt on and wear socks. Thats not guarantee that "O" will happen, but it changes the comfort level. I also have preformance anxiety. I know and fear that my inability to make me cum will make my H feel poorly about him self and his abilities. It is quite stressful to work under those conditions.

Have you guys considered a T. marriage counceling, or trauma T. I have a T who specializes in trauma's, and it has helped, or at least is begining to help. That might be an option.

Good luck w/ this.