Heather .. I'm new here as well. And haven't posted much. I read your post and it was like I wrote it myself ! I recently had a relationship end badly and it sent me into a downward spiral that is all to familiar . I have struggled my whole life with depression .. and I feel your pain.. don't know if its much help but just know that your not alone.! It sounds a little morbid but I actually get some comfort reading other peoples posts knowing that I'm not alone ! Other people are struggling too. Hang in there and maybe we will all find a way thru this together !