I don't know all of the details of your situation and why you're where you're at, but I'll be honest with you, it's rarely all of one person's fault, no matter how it may seem. In a marriage it always takes two people to either make it work or break the marriage. I thought the same thing at first after my ex left, or at least the brunt of it but I've learned over time that she's got her own set of problems that contributed too and actually she's seeing this also.

I feel for you but the fact of the matter is that it should not be an option even to end it all right now. In time, you will see that it does get better. Kids are never better off with one parent as opposed to two and also they are not going to be better off if you leave this world, they will be left with the guilt of thinking that they did something wrong, or weren't good enough, that's the nature of children. You don't want to leave them with that even if right now you can't see them they know you're there and if you left that way it would only be worse for them trust me on that.

She can't keep your kids from you. The only way that could happen is if you let her. You have to fight for them and the fact is if they are your children, in most states, the court recognizes the importance of both parents and respects your right to see them as much as hers. BPD will likely not be enough to make them keep you from your kids. Unless you abused them or have criminal charges for domestic violence during the relationship or marriage, it won't hold any water if she tries to pull that.

Hang in there, it gets easier with time, even as debilitating as it seems right now, it does eventually pass. I'm here if you need someone to talk to.

~S4