Thank you for your responses.

Kendyll, I can relate to your story a lot. And probably in ways you can to mine. My Nan had dementia too, as well as bowel cancer and diabetes.

What you said about not being able to protect them, that hit a nerve.

I visited my Nan everyday, but obviously I couldnt be there 24/7. I gave her some beads to wear when I wasnt there, to keep her safe. When she went into hospital, my Grandad took them off and gave them back to me and said you keep them safe because they'll only get lose in hospital. I put them on. She died in the hospital, its almost like she gave them back to me as though to say 'these can keep you safe now dear, I'm ok'

Through my work, I see death quite often and am training to resuscitate. My Nan had a Do Not Resuscitate on her due to her poor quality of life. To sit and watch her die and do NOTHING was really weird. But it was actually really kind of nice and peaceful and she looked so pain free like she'd just gone to sleep.