They are a little linked to confidence I think. Well, maybe not for everyone, but certainly for some people, or maybe it's just me. It takes everything I have to approach someone and try to start a conversation with them. Then just to be completely ignored or rejected makes it harder and harder to want to make that first move ever again. I realize that I'm obviously not attracted to the right people, otherwise none of this would be an issue. But you can't help who you're attracted to. I'm 29, yes....I know that I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me to find someone. But, I just honestly don't feel like there's anyone out there for me. Well, I feel like there is, but I already screwed up that relationship so I feel like I lost my only chance.

I honestly don't know if there's any kind of sliding scale with costs, I wouldn't know how to even find out. But I barely make enough money to cover my current expenses, so even if there is I still doubt that I could afford it. I've been trying to look into it more but I haven't had a lot of luck with finding any useful information.

I realize that I will never be the life of a party or the center of attention. That is the last thing that I would ever want anyways. I'm sure that it is better to learn to like yourself on your own than to rely on other's opinions. But I have no idea how to do that. And that's how I got to where I am right now....the one person that I thought actually cared about me basically abandoned me, hence my current state of depression.

I realize that it's stupid to "give up" being this young. And odds are that eventually I will meet someone. But in the mean time it just sucks being alone and having everyone tell you to go out and date people when you can't meet one woman that you have any sort of mutual attraction or connection with.

And honestly I have such a negative attitude towards relationships I'd probably end up sabotaging the whole thing anyways. Because I just feel like even if I found someone that did like me, I'm eventually going to screw it up like I did my last relationship and then I'll just end up alone and heart broken again.

I don't know. I guess I'm just kind of using this to get all of my thoughts out. I don't have a lot of friends or anyone that I can talk to at all really. And just sitting around thinking all of these thoughts to myself is driving me crazy. So it's nice to get other people's feedback on it