I'm pretty sure I'm set in my singlehood now. I thought about this the other night. Bear with me, I know I'm long winded. :/

I ride the bus home everyday. Recently a girl started riding that is kinda cute, young, (not too young of course) and seems nice anyway. I caught her a few times looking my way. idk. at this point, it seems like she is attracted to me, maybe.

Well long story short it's a nice thought to be looked at, admired or attracted to, but I thought about this. I thought about what if... what if I had a girlfriend again.. thought about the niceties of being in love, hanging out, intimacy.. all of that. but I could not shake the thought of how painful, complicated and stressful it would be. I tried I really tried to think about how nice it would be to be with someone, and the negatives overshadowed it all. I felt like "sure those 'moments' would be nice" but that leaves out all of the mess that goes along with it and I couldn't stop thinking about just how messy it would be!

That's the problem with romance. We tend to get caught up "in love" and don't think about all that goes along with it in the midst of our obsession with our target of infatuation. We see only the good in them and I understand that's natural, but it's not a good thing. I mean if I ever, ever get into a relationship again, I want to really know what I'm getting into this time. In spite of all the wonderful feelings it might bring, I dont' want to forget the work, the realities of relationships when I do. I don't want to ever get caught up in the fuzzy feelings where I lose myself again.

For now, I'm settled for sure. Not just a goal anymore, in my heart I am content and no longer lonely. I dont' know if I'll ever change my mind, I mean I haven't turned my heart to stone or anything but I'm seriously just gonna be this way. alone, but no longer lonely

*note* I realize some wonderful girl can come along and sweep me off my feet and throw all this out the window, I honestly hope that doesn't happen right now but know that it can. Poor girl is gonna have to work her tail off to convince me this time though

Thanks for listening