Yeah, it's more of a psychoanalytic perspective, I'll admit. Probably a lot more of an approach than an overwhelming majority are comfortable with. Strange because in all my years of psychology I didn't give Freud a lot of merit. I'm not concerned with the phases and needs. I am wanting to address suppression and repression, I believe.

I know I can't change it, and I don't try. But one of my biggest fears is repeating the same mistakes and adding more hurt to my laundry list of painful, regretful, and unfulfilled events. Worse yet, I do not want to be the inflictor of these on myself. Does that make any sense?

Yes, changing my thinking and thus behavioral patterns now is key. But I've been having a lot of trouble because even in trying new perspectives and approaches, the symptoms keep resurfacing eventually as strong as ever. I feel I haven't truly addressed these things. As they've happened in my life I just sweep them under the rug as my way of "dealing" with it.

To try and make the connection between these two things... To make the best decisions for my future I need to be peaceful and mindful of my/in the present, right? The struggle to achieve this is impeded by my inability to fully let go (as in learn from the mistake/situation) and acknowledge it for what it really is, for the first time - remember, I didn't do this before because I copped by suppressing. -- Read the next part to maybe better understand this.

As memories come up, I try to push them back out because there's "no good" in focusing on them. As we've said, it's past and you can't change it - so what business does it have being in my present. This relates back to my problem of not knowing real reasons for this happening, which connects back to my fear of not being able to move on and learn, which would create the possibility for it all to happen again if I don't know what's really going on (or what went on).

To use my/your example: Yes, I attempted to run away from home, I guess, because I was unhappy. The reason I say "I guess" is because I'm not entirely sure if that's the case. Was I unhappy? Was I trying to flee an actual danger? Was I that affected by something, at like 8 years old or whenever, that prompted the need to escape? If so, what?

I understand these all seem like needless questions and it might lead to further turmoil, but I don't believe they are. As I keep mentioning, my inability to learn and let go is being blocked off by something. Or maybe there's some other reason. But I feel the need to investigate because I can no longer suppress so many emotions and it's affecting my present.

In the case of just saying "I ran away from home because I was unhappy," does my inability (or unwillingness) to identify and learn the real reason to my motive play a part in current issues/symptoms? Probably so. Here's why (in my opinion): People are not just simply unhappy. We are unhappy for a reason. There's a cause of our unhappiness (i.e. the possible scenarios I mentioned 2 paragraphs back) previously in asking myself why was I unhappy. Now you, or other people, might be asking, "What is the sense in actually getting to the bottom of this. Accept it for what it is and move on." This is quite logical. However, without knowing this, will I continue to be inclined to run away (physically or mentally) from further problems in which I find myself unhappy? I'm going to answer this with a resounding, "Yes." That's because I have. Why? Well.... I think this is the point we've just come full circle.