Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
I get an imagined image of you, going to the stream to get a drink of water, laying down, cupping your hands, and then going too deep and bringing up sentiment from the bottom and muddying the water you intended to drink.
Perhaps you can put an in between step in there, get a bucket of water and take it away from the stream, get a cup and then drink?
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I'm sorry
I don't think I understand this at all.
I might have written in one of my responses to PAYNE1 something that will help explain my desire - check that out.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Specific examples are needed as you can't drink the muddied water. I would create a specific example in the present and learn what you can from it.
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Does this relate to your example above??
Also... I definitely ended up mentioning this a bit ago. Take a look and see what you think. (Addressed possible scenarios for running away with PAYNE1 and one of the discovered reasons of my perfectionism with feralkittymom in the 2nd paragraph of my 4th reply.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Most the things I was scared of, and we're talking about someone afraid of their shadow, turns out I was scared of because of lack of experience. I was living in my head analyzing things instead of "doing" them and getting the experience.
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I've never really had much of a problem "getting over my fears" in the past. For example: I was terrified of roller coasters - a learned fear from my mother. I love adrenaline and pushing the boundaries of the human senses with things like bungee jumping. How could I handle that but not a roller coaster? By the time I realized it came from her, I said to myself, "What is the big issue really? What am
I actually scared? I didn't have many answers that would stand up. The possibility of dying was slim to none. If I puked, ok lesson learned. I went on one and I absolutely loved it. I eventually got kind of pissed off I let the fear stop me from something I loved for so long.
More recently, I've had anxiety in a pool that's overflowing. I do have a lot going on, I admit. The diagnosis, dealing with the fallout (bills, embarrassment, process of acceptance), student loans, on and off employment, moving in and out of my parents' house, attempting to establish myself while trying to attain stability, choosing a job, reconsidering my direction in life, evaluating schools, the loss of a family member.... there's a lot.
I kind of addressed this on my own the past week. A "normal" person would have a lot of issues with this stuff going on. There are certain emotions and symptoms thrown into this mix that I just won't be able to confront. There's going to be a certain amount of anxiety regardless. Knowing that I won't be fully peaceful/content for quite some time, I just faced a couple things head on. I'm going to get worked up having to call about loans and getting that 8 month overdue paycheck from my last job I'm getting screwed over on. Even if this didn't cause any anxiety in and of itself, there would be the anxiety of other situations at play... essentially, I might as well do those things right now because I'm going to have to face it with a certain amount of anxiety no matter what. Those are smaller issues so it's relatively easier to face. Others, well yeah, I'll have to put in a good bit of work at alleviate the anxiety to make better decisions for it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
"Why did I try to "run away" from home so many times as a kid?" You have to pull up from your memory a memory of one of those times and see if you can access your thinking/feeling. Hard to do at this distance, at this time. So, do something "like" running away.
...see if you can find connections between your questions; how about "lie about things I'm uncomfortable with" and "run away from home" Isn't lying a form of running away?
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Yeah... definitely read my earlier responses. If you don't feel like it because there are so many, just know that I'm working on this.
The problem is the repeated suppression or possible repression. That's kind of what I wanted to get from this post: ways and ideas to help uncover these things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Combine things playfully, how about "home being one of the things that made you uncomfortable"?
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What do you mean by "combining things playfully?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Perna
Start with now and how you do things and that will lead you back to then, eventually. But now has a lot to explore on its own. Do one thing a day that scares you and write it up for your T like a science experiment? Look at the small stuff here, now. Pan for gold in the present.
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What do you mean by "now has a lot to explore on its own?"
What about panning for gold in the present? Did you mean that as a metaphor for looking "at the small stuff here, now," or meaning dig really deep? If you meant dig really deep, I don't understand how that's related with smaller things. The deeper digging needs to be done on the bigger, deeper issues.
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A lot of the things you mention I've sort of begun naturally on my own, sometimes subconsciously. It sounds like you're definitely hitting on the CBT model for improving self-esteem and eliminating self-defeating/self-critical thoughts.
Definitely read my next post - the general update. I'll put it up soon.