I'm feeling mostly good tonight. I feel great because I am talking to my ex again and he is telling me how much he likes me and misses me and that I make him feel like nothing is wrong in life. He is incredibly sweet and constantly complimenting me. It makes me realize how much I miss him. We are going to try again to work on being in a relationship. He knows about me being bipolar, and I told him I had other issues but didn't tell him I had anxiety and an eating disorder, but he said he would accept me no matter what. I have never been able to see myself long term with someone...but I was actually thinking today that I could see myself LIVING with him...and being happy.
As time goes on I am more able to recognize my moods. I realize now that I push him away when I start to feel stressed out, because I start to feel anxious and overwhelmed. I don't want anyone around me when I start to binge eat, and I definitely don't want to burst into tears around him, so in general I just push everyone away so I can be alone when I am feeling down. I need to communicate my feelings when this happens, so I don't keep pushing him away.
I am optimistic...but just waiting until my mood shifts (which is inevitable) and I feel the complete opposite.