Hi Everyone,
I considered posting this on the psychotherapy board, and I enjoy posting there occasionally, but this issue has me uncomfortable and I need your input.
My concern is with my pdoc and the fascination I have with her. All of my other providers-t, family doc, etc. are at least middle-aged, although maybe not as old as me. My pdoc is 20 years younger than me, and I find that I have all of the sudden become very interested with all that I can find out about her online. I have become an internet stalker!
She has so much at her young age. She is beautiful. She was a college athlete at a university, and she was Phi Beta Kappa in college. As for her social life, she enjoys punk bands, and she enjoys her family and friends. I like that she has a real life and is smart as well. I guess I am jealous of the fact that she is allowed to have all of this and most likely has never had to experience childhood abuse or be a third-generation MI sufferer.
Obsession or what?
She has the life that fate did not allow me to have, and I guess this explains the fascination. There is no sexual attraction, although I do admire her beauty and perfect body.
Meanwhile, after all of the digging, I have an appointment on Thursday with her. We don't do talk therapy, so I do not have to feel the need to disclose my feelings. Somehow, though, I do want to make some comment that makes her think about all that she has been blessed with. Yes, I know that her commitment to studying has been important, but she has had some advantages to get where she is.
I think that I might ask her if she has ever had to deal with anyone on a close, personal level who has dealt with meds to keep in control. I just want to know that she has some compassion at a personal level for all that we go through!
Okay, crazy or what? I have never had the need to be so obsessive over someone. Is it the fact that I could be her mother?
Bluemountains