I am trying to find someone -- anyone -- who can tell me one positive aspect of living in a small town.

I am a lifelong city kid. By this time next week, I will be a permanent resident of a town of 13,000. It's the kind of town where you can walk to the butcher and the pharmacy and they'll run a tab for you. (What? You didn't think those still existed? Me neither. Apparently I was wrong.)

I have spent the entire freaking day just trying to get a freaking telephone. It is 10 miles from a town of 63,000, which is the biggest in the area. There is exactly ONE cellular provider that serves the area. It is not mine. I NEED a cell phone. It's one of the non-negotiable requirements for my job. So I'm going to have to cough up $150 to cancel the remaining 11 months of my contract if I want a cell phone (and can actually find a provider).

Next, I thought I'd try the phone company. I hadn't intended to get a landline, but after all the hassles with the cell phone, it seemed necessary. I would like to be able to let people know how to reach me once I leave my sister's. But, although you can set up an account and get a phone number online, it takes them 3 business days to get back to you and let you know when it will be turned on. 3 business days is Wednesday. I am going there to stay on Friday.

Furthermore, unlike life in the big city, the cable company does not believe in weekend appointments or 24/7 customer service. I couldn't get an appointment to get my cable (and computer) hooked up till the 30th. I am going to be there on the 27th. So far, with no phone. And no computer. And no cell. The cave is a metaphorical thing for this bear -- I didn't intend actually to LIVE in one.

Someone tell me why I thought this move would be a good idea, please.