Thank you for your repsonse, it was so kind, and thank you for being brave and sharing.

I was just as close with my brother as you say about your brother. I looked up to him, he protected me from the brother who would physically abuse me.

The older I got the more uncomfortable it was to be around him, because I hadn't dealt with it before. I still was somewhat close but got nervous around him. It all got bad and topped off when he moved back to our state.

I don't think I necessarily want to lose him as a brother years down the road. And after the discussion with my brother and talking with my fiance, even my fiance says that I don't necessarily need to cut him out for good, but for now I need my space.

It makes me sad to think that my brother wont be at our wedding but I know what will happen if he goes. I will be consumed with memories I try to push away and guilt and everything else imaginable on my wedding day. I haven't ever dealt with it, and I can't be rushed to deal with it so he can be able to attend the wedding.

I'm mixed up, when you go through so much horrible abuse with your siblings, you develop this bond, you understand why they are the way they are more than anyone else because you were there too. I feel do bad, but for once in my life I am putting my foot down on my guilt and I'm looking out for my best interest, for my mental and physical health. I can't afford another breakdown, my daughter never needs to see me like that again.