I'm beginning to deal with PTSD, many years after the traumas. My counselor is wonderful. The process is hard. Talking about these things is hard. I only told someone for the first time about a year ago.

I don't remember all the details of the childhood sexual abuse. I only remember some details, some of the emotions, and other details that are fuzzy but I think are real. They cause the same anxiety, but I don't know if that means anything.

The other traumas are similar in that I remember certain points, but could not necessarily tell the story from start to finish; there would be gaps.

Anyone out there who stayed silent for a long time before therapy that can help me? Am I going to re-experience the events when I talk about them, like I do sometimes in flashbacks? And.. if I don't.. if I am in 'numb' mode while in my therapy session, will it appear that the event no longer bothers me or that it is not important.. or will it prevent her from believing me?

I feel like I have to prepare somehow. I would like to not have to look at her when I talk about these things. Maybe that is what walls are for...