Thank you all.

I am so confused by this. Part of me wants and needs to know what he knows, another part of me doesn't know if he's being honest.

If you read the message exchange...

We moved into Main St when I was in the second grade (making me 7 years old and him 11) he said it did not happen at Main St, that it happened with Ben, but when Ben came around we moved with Ben to Main St.

He said it stopped when Ben left, which would have been when I was 9 and he was 13, but then he said it ended when Gale came which would mean I was 11 and he was 15. He didn't go to therapy until he was 15. I hate the blackouts, I know they are there to protect me but I really should know who I can trust and who I can't trust.

He also started the convo with the mention of "he taped it" but then he retracted and said it was just movies he had to watch. I don't remember Ben being there when it happened but I do remember being made to leave my room so I don't know if that's true or not because I don't remember details only that I had to remove my clothes and leave my bedroom.

Ben would make us do things and then beat us after so I can believe when he said that. But he said it started when Ben came around and after Donnie when he was 6, that means I would have been 2 when it started. And it didn't stop until I was at least 9, possibly 11. I only remember a couple instances, I guess after a couple my mind knew when to black me out.

My brother mentioned above and the one who was physically abusive always say "You had it so much worse when we were kids" but if my memory serves me right, we both went through the same abuse for the most part, only difference was that they targeted me too. I don't know why they always say I had it so much worse.

But they were the ones who found out what happened during a horrible blackout when I was a teen before I found out, and they didn't tell me for over a year.

I need to know if he's telling the truth and if so, what else happened? If he thinks him being ra**d by an adult man when he was 6 was not worse than what I went through, wth did I go through that I'm not remembering?

Memories can get fuzzy so I could use that as an excuse for why his story doesn't completely add up, but I don't want to make excuses, I just want to know the truth. And part of me thinks he's telling the truth. When you consider how many boys NEVER tell when they are molested or rap*d by a grown man, out of shame guilt or whatever it is that stops them, it doesn't seem like he would willingly say that.

And he had to learn it somewhere.

When I was seeing my t over the summer he said I'd had one of the most abusive childhoods he'd ever encountered, how much worse could it get?

I just want the flipping truth!