I have anorexia. There I have said it. I am 41 and I have been struggling with this since forever. I am tall and thin and I shouldn't have to worry about food but I do. A LOT.

I think about it all day. I worry about it. I get depressed after I have eaten something and feel bloated and feel like it is going to make me gain weight. It is ridiculous.

My therapist is always trying to get me to eat little bits of food all day long and not worry about what I weigh and stuff like that.

My psychiatrist has another take on it which I like much better, which is to eat super healthy and not worry what I weigh even if I loose a few pounds, not a big deal to her. She has me eating TONS of greens and is helping me loose a little so that I can get to my goal weight which is TOTALLY reasonable and not ridiculous. I know we can't talk numbers but I promise it isn't unreasonable and even though it is a small number to lose it would make me totally happy and would make it so that I could fit into all my pants which is a whole other issue.

I am VERY tall and I own about 20 pairs of looooong pants that fit a slim me. I have gained a couple and now they don't 'quite' fit. That is why I am trying to loose a little. I can NOT afford to by new pants in any way that is why I am trying to fit into my old pants. And the fact that I WANT to fit into my old pants because I am happy in my old pants. I feel comfortable there. I want to be that thin again.

So I have opposing Dr.'s which is weird. So of course I am following the advice of the Dr. that I like the advice from best but I STILL feel like things aren't going well in the brain department. I am still freaked out about food and worrying about it and feeling gross and ugly and 'fat' and bloated and just plain yucky.

I just can't get this all out of my head so I wanted to get it out here and share my weird story and see if that helped...

C and Oliver (My Service Dog)