Hello, I am Chanda and I have Bipolar II, PTSD, OCD, Severe Anxiety, Anorexia, migraines, sleep disorder, Fibromyalgia and arthritis in my back that puts me in a wheelchair part time. Basically I am a mess. Not to mention my horrible insurance and finances...

I take
Lamictal (bp)
Abilify (bp)
Neurontin (fibro)
Topamax (migraine)
Ativan (sleep)
minipress (nightmares)
mobic (back)
Tramadol as needed (back)
Baclofen as needed (back)
Lidocaine patch as needed (back)
Sprix as needed (migraine)
Frova as needed (migraine)

Geeze that is a lot of meds once I list it out like that. And I used to be TERRIFIED of meds!

Basically I am stuck in a terminal depression that goes from bad to really bad. My psychiatrist wants me to up my Lamictal but that is the one drug that I am really scared of for some reason. I also just have a feeling that it is not going to help to go up 25 mg in that. I sort of feel 'what's the use?'...

I am sure I am a huge drain on my husband even though I try and hide it from him and everyone else as best as I can. But when I am alone those horrible thoughts come and I am sucked down the drain with a heavy wet sweater on and I can't climb my way out. The OCD doesn't help.

My poor therapist, I feel like such a huge disappointment to her. She can't seem to fix me. I keep failing at controlling my thoughts or doing anything she asks me to do even though I try so hard.

I just feel like I am an unfixable mess...
C and Oliver (My Service Dog)