Hi, I'm new here...first post. Thought it would be best to just get straight to it. I'm pretty certain I have borderline personality disorder. A therapist suggested it years ago but I brushed it off. Been trying to tell myself nothing is wrong with me, but my issues just keep coming back to bite me in the @$$... I've always felt like I don't know who I am, I don't understand myself, why I have such extreme emotions and can't stand to be alone. I've been going from relationship to relationship with no more than a month in between since I was 13 (I'm 25 now). I'm finally at a point where I absolutely realize that something is not right with me and I cannot move forward in a functional and healthy manner unless I do something about it. This issue is not going away on its own. I find that I'm fine (fine=not suicidal) as long as I'm in a relationship, yet I always end up depressed, bored and unfulfilled and want out. But I never leave until I find someone new, and the cycle continues. In my current relationship, I am very unhappy and I was planning to end it (without having anyone else lined up because I know that's what I need), but as I was about to do it, I was just overwhelmed with emotions (anxiety, extreme fear), and I just couldn't do it. I feel terrible because I know I am using this person, but I know that if I end it I will just end up with someone else, I can't help it, the emotions I feel are just unbearable. The need is so strong I can't control it.

I've been looking into treatment, but I live in such a small town that there aren't any therapists who do dialectical behavior therapy, and I think finding DBT therapists is hard as it is.

I just don't know what to do. I took the first step in acknowledging that I have a problem, and I am completely willing to do anything to overcome it. I am not giving up on myself. But what are my options?

I thought joining a forum and talking about this issue would be a good start.