JustWantToBeNormal, yes, it's possible to have a long-term marriage that really works. There's no reason that you shouldn't, but I agree with Christina that you need to have therapy to get rid emotionally of the terrible situation you found yourself in with an X who cheated on you often.

That's probably a major cause of traumatic stress syndrome, and you need help to realize that you made the very human mistake of falling in love with someone who was unstable--big time.

You'll hear us say that meditation is a very good way to help alleviate the
obsessive thinking and checking into many things. Be glad that you can do that! Depression leads us into the "blahs"--no interest, just stale and empty. You never want that to happen.

Take care and keep working on calming your system and thoughts.