I'm starting back on lithium tonight because...
I can't seem to handle the stress. I don't think I can work. I think I need government assistance and they will want me to be "med-compliant". I know these meds don't even help me just make me fat. I have no one. I'm going to lose everything. Bankruptcy, homeless shelter, failure, that's what's in my future. I've worked since I was 13. I work so hard and amount to nothing. I snapped on a girlfriend calling me about her Internet dating problems I snapped she needs too much from me. I snapped told her I have no advice, I've never even had a successful relationship, and I can't help her because I'm losing everything, I can't feed my children, I'm a failure at everything, I can't also try to process her problems about some guy she doesn't even know not calling her back. I said I'm losing my business and my home and my mother and aunts and kids have no one except me to take care of them. I'm a failure. She said, "businesses come and go". That's it, end of that friendship. I said you may think I'm being materialistic idk, but I've spent the past 20 years building my business blood sweat and tears, invested everything nothing left, I have no one. She said, "I know this is all you have ever done but you'll be ok." I said, "no I've worked since I was 13 babysitting, house cleaning, dish washing, bussing tables, waitressing...." She just has no idea what it's like to build a business. She has constantly talked about herself so much to have no idea what I'm going through. I was so offended by the things she said. Then I was crying and asked my son to please help me and just get me a cup of water, my 11 yr old. He wouldn't get up from his computer then I snapped at him and said I work 12 hour days and bring you food and do so much for you please help me right now. He called me a b---- this is my used to be well behaved son. I sent him to his room and he called me more names and gave me the middle finger. I just need a rest and a cup of water. I can't do this on my own. So as a final symbol of my failure, I swallow you toxic lithium into my body, as I will be swallowed into the government system of no way out. Nothing is sacred anymore, my body and rights will no longer be mine but belong to the government, who knows if they'll even help me, maybe a tiny unemployment check for 6 months. Maybe this isn't really happening and I will wake up just a bad dream.