I hid from the memories my entire life.. hanging only onto the vague memory of being abused.I was abused from infancy until I was a teenager and I never spoke of it to anyone.Oh, i told my best friend when we were about 30 something, but I only said the words... not knowing details.And we never talked about it.

Then when my father died the memories flooded my mind.. only i ignored them.. or tried to... and I kept hiding from the pain and anguish of the reality...until therapy.I am 43.All those years.. hiding..stuffing..disassociating..being
numb.

When I started therapy, I avoided talking about it as much as possible.. going and talking about stuff that bothered me that week..chit chat really. And everytime she would lead me into talking about IT,I stared ahead of me. .out the window as i spoke.. I didn't realize i did it... she did.

She is the one that told me I was disconnected.. I still am in many ways.. I have a long way to go.. I have apparently suffered from PTSD for years without even knowing it... the flashbacks are hard.. the missing pieces drive me crazy.. i had to stop trying to remember and just let it come on its own.

I agree with sky.. slower is faster. And no.. it isn't always going to be this way.it gets better...the pain and fear ease up...healing begins... just take baby steps... you are not alone in this.. pm me if you need to..

Sorry to make this about me.. i just wanted to share that so you would know you are not alone.I understand.And it is really going to be okay.