hi everyone,

i'm 23 and a senior in college.
i've been having a very rough time for a long time.
it doesn't look like it from the outside though.

i was diagnosed with "anxiety" at age 11. It has made my life hell to varying degrees. i take medication and it works but that's not the answer for me.

i'm overwhelmed by deadlines, expectations and pressure.
these things are actually unbearable and always have been.
the only way i get through it is by blocking out the rest of my life (like my personal life) until i get tasks done. meanwhile, i'm doubling over with stomach pains or body aches.

tolerating anxiety for so long has caused me to be extra hard on myself. i blame myself for every symptom. i push myself so hard to achieve in my life...i don't even know why. because i want more out of life, i guess.

i'm not happy at all. i don't like feeling sick everyday or having my mood correlate with how busy i am (the busier i am, the more unhappy i am). i'm finally quitting my job this week because i've hated it for years.

i have no one to talk to. everyone expects the best out of me. personal happiness was never, ever a priority in my household growing up. it was like being happy is just a bonus. simply existing is okay.

i'm broken down but i'm the only one who knows that. and i don't know what to do about it. if anyone can offer advice, please do! thank you.