Hi, what you're going through is really scary I can see that. You know something is not right because who would want to live like this.

I know you said you didn't want to get diagnosed or labeled, but without it you cannot receive the help or relief you desire. And honestly besides you and your psychiatrist/pschologist no one else ever has to know if you don't want them to. Legally they cannot say anything to anyone unless you are a serious danger to yourself or another person. I sincerely hope for your own benefit alone, with no motive of my own, that you go back.

To share my experience, just four months ago I started experiencing hallucinations and paranoid delusions myself. I was terrified. I was hearing music where there was none, screaming while I was in the shower, music I knew and love was altered when I listened to it. Those were my auditory hallucinations, I also had several visual hallucinations where black clouds of smoke would enter my body. The paranoid delusions, which is seems you may have as well made me several times believe people were doing things on purpose to make me upset of uncomfortable. I was just on edge, I started freaking out at a car dealership while waiting for repairs and I believed that they were making me wait longer because of reasons that later made no sense to me but I left the place crying. I called my psychiatrist, and he put me on a new medication that stopped all of those things within 5 days.

Being diagnosed, the stigma attached, I understand how hard it is to accept. But accepting it is what helps you get the correct treatment so you can feel better and have a better future. No one on here can diagnose you but most of us have already been through it. And we can help you by helping you come to terms with it as well. If you need anything, message me. I may be young but I've spent 13 years dealing with medications, diagnoses and all that comes with it. Please help yourself.
Julie