Hi wills, I got better by understanding how I got to where I was. I think that our child development is really important. If your parents were controlling, you probably didn't get a chance to develop who you were. You had to attend to their script instead. I assessed my child development and did the repairs as an adult.
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Originally Posted by wills11
Easily guilted into things. I will do something I think or know is wrong if I'm strongly guilted into it somehow.
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Is this what your parents did? It seems that you were raised to listen to your parents drum and not your own? You can change this now if you catch yourself doing it today and have a plan to respond differently. (Sometimes it takes a few times of working on this until you work all the way through it. Just try it out and then review and have a plan for next time.)
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Originally Posted by wills11
Why do I get panic-y and overcome with acute symptoms of anxiety when I'm addressed in certain social/public situations? Why would I rather bathe in sewage than walk into a place knowing all eyes will be on me
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You must not feel comfortable with yourself? I think that a parent's job is to help a child get to know themselves and like themselves. This involves the parent focusing on who the child IS and not who they are trying to develop. You can get the message that you aren't important or "right" if your parents are always trying to mold you into who they want.
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Originally Posted by wills11
Why did I essentailly give myself a borderline eating disorder?
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Eating disorders have a theme of control with them. Seems like you had a theme of control while growing up?
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Originally Posted by wills11
Why do I get uncomfortable with things like a touch on the shoulder or walking arm-in-arm as playful with friends? Why does hugging feel so awkward?
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You don't trust?
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Originally Posted by wills11
Why do I lie about things I'm uncomfortable with?
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To avoid them?
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Originally Posted by wills11
I don't remember events leading up to it, but I remember always leaving the room as a kid in a fit of emotions and tears, "I only wanted to help; I was just trying to help"
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Because you were always told that you didn't do things correctly? And you tried so hard to?
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Originally Posted by wills11
What were the things I did that were so bad my father felt the need to spank me?
What did I do that was even worse to warrent getting a belt taken to my bare behind instead?
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This was probably your dad's problem and not yours. If your dad was really into control, physical punishment goes along with getting that control.
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Originally Posted by wills11
How come "I love you" feels more like a socially prompted norm (i.e. "Hey how are you?" "Good.") or tension than a true feeling of warm emotions?.
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Because you heard these words while growing up but didn't feel anything warm? It just didn't match up?