Hi Lindsay... I know your pain... I struggle with it myself.I am not entirely sure of details of the abuse I suffered from my brothers.. I have only a few memories... some of it I allowed.. went along with ...it was part of how we grew up....and I love them as much as I hate them too.

But you know.. when a person is abused.. it isn't because they weren't good enough NOT to be abused..it wasn't because we deserved it somehow as some form of punishment for not being good enough...

It is the ABUSER who owns it.. that person is the sick individual who acted upon his own sick thoughts .. inner demons...pains... whatever... but the fact will always be that it was NOT YOUR FAULT!

I hope you find this to be a safe place to talk and to allow your feelings to come out... stuffing it all within only makes it worse...lets it fester... i know. I have done it my whole life...

Peace, Faith