I feel for you in this situation. I think I've basically been a student or in school most of my life. I was like you a good student, keen on keeping on, got fellowships, worked hard.

However, I landed what would seem like a dream job--professor at UC Berkeley--only to find out within the very first weeks that I was absolutely miserable. I stuck with it anyway thinking that if I just reached the point where I could switch to a better department it would work out. It didn't. I resigned after much agony. I was also having lots of surgeries and the department was not supportive. But the real issue for me is that I didn't see how I was using my talents or values to actually help anyone. And perhaps it was just my own unique situation but I felt like the academic life at least where I was and my department was so very intellectual that no one really had hearts or souls or values that meant something.

I went back to school after a break for writing, to start a new career. I've switched programs a few times, mostly due to medical things, but recently I found myself in a situation where I really hated what I was doing, even used the word "submitted" to describe what the program was doing to me, which as a rape victim is a really bad sign.

Still because I was doing well and felt that I couldn't switch again, I stayed with it. The whole rest of me was rebelling against it and I should have really listened to that strong voice within. It ended up quite badly. The details aren't important, but I wish now that I had really listened to myself and not been so attached to my status as a good student or what others thought, and just quietly exited, even if this meant yet another school and program.

I have since found places a little less formal that accept people who have moved around a bit or switched focus or had other things come up. It really isn't terrible at all. In fact people like the underdog and like come-back stories, and it's not unusual for people to try a variety of things, including programs, before they settle into something.