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I feel like such a huge disappointment to her.
As you probably know on some level -because you phrased it this way- this is how you feel she feels, I suspect she didn't actually say this to you? Maybe you can talk to her about your progress, what you'd like to work on and different ways she can help you accomplish what you need. Also, telling her you're afraid she's disappointed in you and talking about that may help take that load off of your shoulders.
She can't seem to fix me
Again, this seems to be how you see it, not something she said, right? Maybe you could talk to her about these feelings and ask her what she thinks.
Maybe instead of thinking of the process as fixing you (as if you were broken) you could think of it as improving your mood, how you feel about yourself, etc. You have a lot on your plate -baby steps and keeping in mind that we all fall back sometimes, it's not a straight line forward.
Also, it's not our therapists' role to 'fix' us. You're on a journey together (that's how I think of it) and hopefully both of you can work together to get to where you need to be.
I'm so sorry you're in such a bad place right now. No doubt your physical problems contribute to your depression, it has to be awful to suffer from such crippling chronic pain! I hope you find a combination of meds that can help you pull out of this and that therapy will help you as well.
Best wishes,
ultramar
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