I agree with a lot of what feralkittymom has expressed, as painful as it might seem to take in. Though I have experienced something like this, I'm going instead to talk about a figure in the development of this attitude toward this particular kind of abuse. He was a student of Freud's but had radical views, including co-analysis, which he actually offered to Freud. His name was Ferenczi and he has a famous paper that at the time raised eyebrows. What he talked about was the difference between the child's view at the time of the abuse, which he calls sweetly by the name "tenderness." And that of the adult who for whatever reasons is using the child's vulnerability to meet other needs that the child can't possibly understand. My own therapist called this "perversion of tenderness" probably the worst betrayal that could possibly happen, or at least so strikingly wrong that he actually got a little angry about it.

What the child in this kind of situation does, according to this account, is "identify with the aggressor," in order to continue the feelings of "tenderness" and not really able to let in the abuse or harm in a complete way. (This is actually more complicated but I'm simplifying just to make the general sense of it). So the child can take on aggressive aspects that aren't really part of one's own make-up, but rather come from this kind of experience. Since later on people tend to develop a sense that they are responsible, this aggression can result in all sorts of problems depending on what else happens. Some turn it onto themselves. Some act out. Some do a combination. Some go numb. It really isn't clear until examined more closely exactly what the situation is or how it is coming out. And in my experience it also can change with time. Our past isn't as solidly formulated as we think so it can shift with time and different experiences.

I think the key thing here is to realize that whatever happened or however you are taking it now, there is a strong possibility that something traumatic in your past like something abusive was simply not in your control and you have no real responsibility for it. However it has manifested, the basic fact that you were a child and did not have the capacities of an adult to understand or manage is just not your fault. And anything you may have done to try to make it work somehow doesn't change that basic fact. It is tragic that something like a child's tenderness could be so taken advantage of or violated, but it is also not the truth of all of who you are or will be. There is always potential for strength and compassion, but learning to access it and direct it toward oneself doesn't come that easily.