I think a lot of us know that feeling well. I'll appeal to the rational part of you, as a fellow intellectuallizer, and say that your rational brain must be aware that this cannot be true, that even an exact replica of your life and your choices lived by another person, even your own genetic clone, would be ok, but not ok when it is you the individual. Hanging onto a logical fallacy can prevent us from seeing the truth -- although this runs directly into our emotional brains, which have devised all sorts of other mechanisms for separating the truth from illusions created by others (i.e., showing yourself compassion when you don't deserve it may cause you to be blindsided by others). That emotional side likes to make itself SOUND rational, but if you look at what it's saying all written out, it's clearly not.

I'm going through another cycle of this now with T. Things start going really well and I start getting nervous and upset and withdrawing because when someone is being so good to me I am terrified of the fall that is about to come when I inevitably screw it up. It's a long, long road.

I know it's really hard. But I do think this will keep coming back for you again and again. It can be hard to convince someone to be kind to herself when she has been cultivating reasons not to be for a very long time. But maybe you can try treating your child-self like any other child, for the sake of logical consistency, to maybe find truths that you have been missing?