I took a few conflict management classes last fall, and one of our instructors said something that really stuck with me.

It's not that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. We should treat others the way THEY want to be treated. She had to give me an example to make that work for me:

Let's say that your husband loves to be babied and pampered when he is sick, but you prefer to be left alone.

So, when you're sick, he babies and pampers you, when all you really want is to be left by yourself until you feel better. You think "if he really cared about me, he would leave me alone".

When he's sick, you do what you'd want him to do for you -- you leave him alone. So, he lays sick in bed, alone, feeling neglected, thinking "if she really cared about me, she would check on me every few minutes to ask if she can do anything for me".

I thought it was a really good point and I appreciated hearing that perspective (because it works EXACTLY like that in my house, only *I* am the one who wants the attention!)