Best laid plans of mice and men.

I can't plan anything, I know this.

It is 2:15 pm I am in the midst of my daily attack of extreme anxiety, thinking about overdosing, asking god over and over what he wanted me to see by taking my lovely son, by taking my Mom when I was 22, by taking my very healthy dad by getting a very rare muscle sarcoma and dying in 6 months.

In the morning I have to take 50 mg of seroquel to avoid a morning meltdown.This puts me to sleep.

I wanted to go out and get Easter stuff.But I had to take a shower. I did, now I am shaking all over wanting to die. I had to take more seroquel. Now I can't drive.
Even if I could everything seems stupid and useless just like me.

Is god telling me it is my time now. I am a useless piece of sh.....t.