Hi All,

I have an anxiety disorder (OCD) and I spiked around three months ago now. However, unlike in the past, that spike never went away and I felt it has just continued for three months. I know that people with depersonalization feel "disconnected" from their thoughts typically, but is it possible to be "too connected" where you feel so stuck in yourself that you feel you can't engage with the world the way you used to? I just feel like as I am talking to someone I am aware of this being "too connected" to myself that I can't even be fully in the moment. It's almost like I am acting. I can never "lose" myself by watching a movie or reading like I used to, it's like this feeling is always there.
This has also brought on a depression in which I am also negatively talking to myself about this and ruminating/trying to figure myself out. It makes me feel like a cold and calculating person. Sometimes I feel like this is just me and I am the one creating this and I can figure it out, but I know this is unlike anything I've experienced before. Another major aspect of this is that I go through this intense wave of wanting to escape my own body, almost as if I'm trapped in my own person because of the way I go through life always in my own mind. It's gotten so bad that I could care less if I were to drop dead and I've never felt that way in my life before. I am seeing a psychologist and we are trying to sort through this. Does anyone else connect with anything I have written, in particular the part of "being stuck in your own person?" or like their is something inherently wrong with you? Any insights would be appreciated, I feel it would help me better understand this. Thanks