Granite, I'm going to try a little tough love here because I really feel a kinship to your struggle to speak and bare your soul.

I think you really need to go back and meet with T. Take a list of all the questions you've ever wanted to ask her. And then ask them. No extra discussion until the end. Have her answer every uncertainty you have.

There is something to be said for finding a T who works in a manner that nurtures your personal way of expression, but you do not seem to really be leaving this T over that.

To me, you're leaving because you've told secrets, and you're scared of her reaction.

But there is this huge, huge possibility that you have misinterpreted your T. You said yourself that the spring question reminded you of a time that you were traumatized. There's still an opportunity to go back and get to the bottom of things....to discuss with your T.

Would it help you to not give a s*** what your T thinks of you? It seems like your perception of her opinions is a real sticking point in your therapy. Why give a hoot what she thinks about you? She is there to help you. I know from experience how hard it is not to care about our perception to T. Therapists are taught all about positive regard, and from what you've written on this forum, you T has always treated you with respect.

So maybe go out and try other Ts if you want, but I personally think (from what I read) that you have a great relationship going already. You could benefit so much from continuing to confront your perceptions of T and discussing them instead of walking out.