OK, I will seriously seriously think about going up on the Lamictal. Once I get it in my mind that I can do it then maybe I can. Once I get through my next set of packs maybe I can get the 50's and then it will be easier than popping out the 25's (I am on the dissolvable ones)...

I know what you mean about being a big old mess. Maybe I do need to just work on one strand at a time. I don't even know where to begin. Maybe with trust. I STILL don't trust even after 6 years of therapy. I STILL think she is going to abandon me. I STILL don't trust anyone, not even my husband and I have been with him for 14 years. PTSD talking here... I don't trust him but I can't stand being away from him even for a few minutes. As I sit here he is in a different house and I am alone and panicking. I don't know how to work on being alone. I FREAK!

Most of my pain meds I only take when I need them which isn't as often as I should be taking them. I have been very careful about only taking them when I am in extreme pain so that I am not taking them all the time. I rely on my Lidocaine patch a lot which works 'ok'. Unfortunately I have to drive a lot so I can't take a lot of the pain and muscle relaxers that I should be taking... So I just die in pain and THAT is a depressant. Uggggggg. I need to just be shut up in my room where I feel safe and be on my pain meds so I don't feel pain. Did I mention I am agoraphobic and am always forced out of my safe place?

I am going to go freak out now....

C and Oliver (my Service Dog)