I spent my spring break voluntarily admitted to a psych hospital so I could get my meds fixed. And so with that my official diagnosis went from major depressive disorder to Mood disorder Not otherwise specified cannot rule out bipolar (boy, that's a mouthful). So they kept me on 50mg zoloft and titrated me up to 100mg seroquel.

And thank God they took me off of trazedone because I was having so many screwy interactions with the zoloft I want to know who thought it was a good idea in the first place.

I'm not sure what to think of my meds, been on current dosage for about 3 weeks. On the one hand I don't have so many depressed dips - or when I do, I don't end up bad enough to self harm or attempt suicide. But I've started watching what I've been eating pretty much obsessively and still started gaining weight (only about 7.5 pounds so my dad told me to not worry) and I'm hungry ALL the time. No exaggeration here. I mean even when I'm full, I'm still hungry. But I've taken to limiting what I allow myself to eat and feel really guilty whenever I eat anything. I haven't felt like that before, but I guess I've always hated how I look. I've taken up running and exercising at the gym until I can burn off all this hyper energy or attempt to lift my mood. But I get more depressed when I don't have the energy anymore to try to earn a snack. I tried to make myself throw up but that ended up being a lot more effort than just going out and running a mile so I've been sticking with the calorie counting and body fat percentage checking and running/other exercising until I fall over.

Last week I ran my first 5k and (because the trazedone/zoloft combo had killed my stamina so I couldn't train) finished at about 37 minutes via willpower alone. The next day I freaked out and panicked because I overreacted and thought my friend might be in danger. So I ran a mile to her apartment and was too busy worried about her and hating myself to care if it hurt. She was fine, thank goodness.

Now I've been just really hyper and hard to stay on one train of thought all day and my thoughts just won't slow down. I mean, I used to have days like this before I got put on seroquel but I feel like they've gotten worse and I've had more days where I just can't sit down and shut up? And how do I tell my therapist all of this when it's so hard for me to stay on one topic I always feel like I miss something and should have said something so she understands stuff better?