Quote:
Originally Posted by ultramar
Hi there,
Of course no one can diagnose you here and it sounds like maybe you need to have continued in-depth conversations with your psychiatrist (and therapist if you have one) about your symptoms to sort them out.
my moods go from being completely happy and fun to getting angry, defensive, and sad in a split second
But I will say in general that switching from one mood to another at the drop of a hat is more often than not, not characteristic of bipolar disorder.
it is rare I feel good but some days I wake up thinking I can do all this stuff or I make goals
And I'd say that feeling good, goal-directed, are wonderful things (however short-lived) and I don't think there's anything pathological about it. Is your behavior when you're feeling good very distressing to you or those around you or are destructive in some way?
but since I have been happy at lengthy times they have to diagnose me as bipolar I
This truly baffles me. Your psychiatrist told you that because you're 'happy' for lengthy times it means you're bipolar I? I assume there must be more to this than what you've said? In my opinion being happy is a wonderful way to be and not something to be diagnosed or medicated. There's so so much more to hypomania and mania than this, but it looks like you must have shared very different things with your psychiatrist for he/she to come to that opinion, so I don't know.
Which isn't to say that you're not very distressed, of course you could use some help and I'm glad you're reaching out. You can talk to your psychiatrist about medication, of course, but maybe you would benefit from therapy --it can really help with relationships and mood regulation. Maybe a therapist could help you identify what is triggering your moods and maybe from there you'll see that they're not as random as they may seem. It's tough and takes time, but I think it's worth it.
Best of luck!
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Ultramar,
Thank you for responding. Actually, I do have a counselor that I see regularly and she is wonderful but we thought the meds would really help settle my anxiety and depression before therapy will truly begin to work so I have started my meds. The psychiatrist, however, sees me for 15 minutes and is on to her next appointment but she is very empathetic and I really like her, I just wish she did ask me more about my history. I know it sounds confusing, I'll try to make it a lot more clear...
About two years ago is when my anxiety and depression and sleep issues started. Before that I thought I was happy and went out a ton with friends and drank a drink or two, never got wasted or anything, pretty level-headed and extremely worried about making sure I drove myself home safe and sober. I had tons of friends and did a lot of things on my own, like going to bars to meet my friends by myself and going shopping and stuff. I was always jumping quickly into relationships and they were always, always crazy. I fought hard with almost everyone I have ever been with. I remember throwing something once, threatening to kill myself once, and just crying so hard I would be sick. About two years ago I left a very bad relationship that just kept going downhill and I was ashamed of who I had become. Once I left him and moved closer to work things just started changing. I know even when I was "happy" I never felt a good sense of self or was secure. I've always had this feeling of emptiness and lost in this world, like everyone around me has their own personality and I was trying to find one. I digress... back to two years ago. I started having issues staying asleep at night, I would toss and turn and wake up each time, so I am up 8-9 times at night. I take melatonin and drink chamomile tea before bed, too. Then I was just sad all the time and then the anxiety started. I met my current boyfriend about two years ago and he is Christian and does not jump into relationships so that was a new one for me and it has been great but I still struggle everyday feeling empty, alone, angry, jealous, hateful, just lost. I find nothing exciting, I don't want to be here. I just have no clue why on Earth I am here. I do have moments where I have ideas and I am constantly changing my career goals and what I want to do but I just come back to thinking I am too old to change my path and I'm not on one anyways and my life is so useless. I just don't agree with a BPII diagnosis because I can't think of any mania in my life. It is mostly anxiety, stress, misery, depression, and hope that some day I will fit in this world. I don't feel like I have my own personality and I don't feel like anyone likes me and so I've become a homebody. I avoid most social situations and dread any family ones. I was just hoping I could get others to share their symptoms and stories and maybe I will be able to see with whom I can relate to. I would appreciate any suggestions or comments. I will definitely be talking with they psychiatrist soon. Thanks again and God bless!!