Hi,

Thanks for your replies. I've been really worried and stuck. I didn't know I might have DID until this happened. I looked at my first son (I guess as the mother alter?) and suddenly felt older - he even stated I seemed older and it hit me that my 'kid self' has been parenting him and how wrong the approach was. It really scared me and I tried to bond with him as the 'mother' older me. It was a great sense of being, but brief. I became overwhelmed with guilt and stress and wanted to know my husband as my older self as well. I guess I became ultra aware of the differences between being present with the baby and dissociated from my husband and son and tried to integrate in a weekend. My kid self woke up and called my dad one night and the next day I was regressed to this kid state. I have no interest in the baby and I'm very depressed from realizing I've been a bad parent to my son and wife. Maybe this isn't DID? It's all so overwhelming. I just want to be a mom. Looking at my baby scream and cry looking all around for me while I held him was excruciating. Being there but not there....