My Support Forums - View Single Post - Questioning My Bipolar Diagnosis.. Do I Have BPD Instead? Help?

ultramar · Mar 30, 2013, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GANDALFmeansME

Ultramar,

Thank you for responding. Actually, I do have a counselor that I see regularly and she is wonderful but we thought the meds would really help settle my anxiety and depression before therapy will truly begin to work so I have started my meds. The psychiatrist, however, sees me for 15 minutes and is on to her next appointment but she is very empathetic and I really like her, I just wish she did ask me more about my history. I know it sounds confusing, I'll try to make it a lot more clear...
About two years ago is when my anxiety and depression and sleep issues started. Before that I thought I was happy and went out a ton with friends and drank a drink or two, never got wasted or anything, pretty level-headed and extremely worried about making sure I drove myself home safe and sober. I had tons of friends and did a lot of things on my own, like going to bars to meet my friends by myself and going shopping and stuff. I was always jumping quickly into relationships and they were always, always crazy. I fought hard with almost everyone I have ever been with. I remember throwing something once, threatening to kill myself once, and just crying so hard I would be sick. About two years ago I left a very bad relationship that just kept going downhill and I was ashamed of who I had become. Once I left him and moved closer to work things just started changing. I know even when I was "happy" I never felt a good sense of self or was secure. I've always had this feeling of emptiness and lost in this world, like everyone around me has their own personality and I was trying to find one. I digress... back to two years ago. I started having issues staying asleep at night, I would toss and turn and wake up each time, so I am up 8-9 times at night. I take melatonin and drink chamomile tea before bed, too. Then I was just sad all the time and then the anxiety started. I met my current boyfriend about two years ago and he is Christian and does not jump into relationships so that was a new one for me and it has been great but I still struggle everyday feeling empty, alone, angry, jealous, hateful, just lost. I find nothing exciting, I don't want to be here. I just have no clue why on Earth I am here. I do have moments where I have ideas and I am constantly changing my career goals and what I want to do but I just come back to thinking I am too old to change my path and I'm not on one anyways and my life is so useless. I just don't agree with a BPII diagnosis because I can't think of any mania in my life. It is mostly anxiety, stress, misery, depression, and hope that some day I will fit in this world. I don't feel like I have my own personality and I don't feel like anyone likes me and so I've become a homebody. I avoid most social situations and dread any family ones. I was just hoping I could get others to share their symptoms and stories and maybe I will be able to see with whom I can relate to. I would appreciate any suggestions or comments. I will definitely be talking with they psychiatrist soon. Thanks again and God bless!!

I think the similarity between BPD and Bipolar II is the mood lability. But I think one thing that distinguishes the two are how long these moods last, and more importantly, what triggers them. I think if your mood is more often than not affected by your environment, but especially by issues in relationships with others (romantic or otherwise) then this points more towards BPD. For example, if you feel slighted or abandoned by someone and become very depressed and/or angry as a result, this might point towards BPD. My understanding is that BPD traits manifest themselves primarily in the context of relationships with others (again, not just romantic ones, but maybe romantic more than others).

I hear you talking about problems with identity, feelings of emptiness, which are signs of BPD, but then I'm sure these feelings can come up in just about anyone at some point or another.

I'd talk to your providers about what triggers your moods, how long they last, and other symptoms you're experiencing. I think in the case of Bipolar vs BPD it can be very important to make an accurate diagnosis between the two because the treatment is so vastly different. That said, as a couple of people have pointed out, you can be diagnosed with both.

I also think (well have read) that some psychiatrists are reluctant to diagnose personality disorders because you really need to get to know someone over time to make a diagnosis like this, and most psychiatrists just don't get to know their patients on that level. Some may be more comfortable diagnosing something like Bipolar II if mood lability is a problem because it can be medicated and that's their job (to medicate). They can try to help with the lability, but not with other issues that require therapy. In this sense, I feel that therapists might be better able to diagnose PD's than psychiatrists.

Whatever your diagnosis, though, I would think that your therapist, as she gets to know you, will be helping you with your concerns, regardless of your diagnosis. I would just hope that if your main problem is BPD, that your moods were addressed in the context of what is triggering them at any given moment, and not not be addressed because the thinking is that they are just dropping out of the sky for no particular reason, which might be the danger with being treated only as bipolar.