So this all starts with my 'small' vacation from reality I had a while ago. My T, H's T, and Marriage T all agree I should have an AP at least PRN. I trust their opinion enough that I'm researching what AP's my insurance covers.

When talking about the AP's PRN we got to the fact that our T's think my husband is to close to tell when I need help. He said he doesn't want me on a PRN med and he can hardly get me to drink water at that point let alone a med that I associate with weight gain. He's supposed to call T or pdoc way before that. Then I stop did a mental check list of how many rules of my crisis plan I violated. So I had to ask why he didn't call. He refuses to call unless I seriously physically harm him in his sleep. He's not going to get locked up or do anything that I'll view as against me. So now I have the situation that my crisis plan is null and void because I can't trust my husband to advocate for me when I can't. EVEN when he thinks I should be hospitalized.

Now I'm questioning whether I should even ask for an AP. If I'm not going to know I need the AP and he wont even attempt to suggest it why have the medication in the house? To me this whole thing means that I can't trust him when I really need him. I don't see pdoc until next month so I have time to decide about the AP. So knowing what I know now WTH am I supposed to do? We both know that my 'vacations' will happen but how do I get help when I don't realize I need it? or even take an AP prn if I can't recognize it? Why doesn't he understand calling for me most likely means a med adjustment not hospitalization?