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Originally Posted by idontknow247
Hi,
Thanks for your replies. I've been really worried and stuck. I didn't know I might have DID until this happened. I looked at my first son (I guess as the mother alter?) and suddenly felt older - he even stated I seemed older and it hit me that my 'kid self' has been parenting him and how wrong the approach was. It really scared me and I tried to bond with him as the 'mother' older me. It was a great sense of being, but brief. I became overwhelmed with guilt and stress and wanted to know my husband as my older self as well. I guess I became ultra aware of the differences between being present with the baby and dissociated from my husband and son and tried to integrate in a weekend. My kid self woke up and called my dad one night and the next day I was regressed to this kid state. I have no interest in the baby and I'm very depressed from realizing I've been a bad parent to my son and wife. Maybe this isn't DID? It's all so overwhelming. I just want to be a mom. Looking at my baby scream and cry looking all around for me while I held him was excruciating. Being there but not there....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by idontknow247
tried to integrate in a weekend.
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sorry but integration of DID type alters doesnt work like that...integration in reference to DID is the process of working on your problems/trauma/ learning grounding, and facing your problems without dissociating. when you are able to take care of yourself and there is no need for alters to do the things you can not do for yourself then the alters and you become one whole person again.
example using your own posts...there is an alter that takes care of your child.. when you are able to parent your child without getting triggered and dissociating then that alters job, purpose, reason for being may be done so they merge together with you,
suggestion...maybe you can find a parenting class in your off computer location. that way you will learn how to parent your child without stress, guilt, anxiety and other feelings that are causing you to dissociate into an alter with your son.
Another example using your post...you want to know your husband without being an alter...in order for that alter to come out to be with your husband you are dissociating. work with your treatment provider, discover why you keep dissociating when you are with your husband, work on those issues. when you have taken care of those triggers (reasons why you dissociate around your husband) then that alter will no longer need to come out and do the things that you are afraid (triggered) into dissociating. once that alter is no longer needed to do their job,purpose, reason for being they will merge with you to where you and this alter are one whole person instead of two separate beings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by idontknow247
Maybe this isn't DID?
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only your treatment provider can tell you whether this is DID or not. if they diagnosed you with it go according to what they said, if you were not diagnosed yet my suggestion is contact your treatment providers they can administer the tests for dissociative disorders, your medical doctor can get you referred for any medical tests that need to be done to rule in or out those medical problems that share these same symptoms.