Hi, it's nice to meet you I don't think any member here is qualified to diagnose or treat you and there is the possibility that something could be suggested to you that will cause more confusion... but I hope you find the support helpful. I agree with Payne that you might benefit from counseling or therapy. Your life is being affected by unhealthy compulsions that you don't understand and can't control.
And derealization is not something you should have to accept.