I feel like I have a need for physical contact too much, but I don't know why. This is long. I hope people will still read it. This is my first post ever.

I constantly want to be touched - but ONLY by boys I'm attracted to. If I can be holding onto someone, or laying down snuggling with someone, or hugging someone, or having sex with someone, then I'm alright. If I feel bad that is the best and most effective thing to make me feel better - even if the boys don't care about me, and even if we're not talking about what's upsetting me (in fact, PREFERABLY we're not talking about it). But I need the touch for extended periods of time, not just a quick little hug and I'm good to go.
I think I might need it too much, because I feel like I need it all the time. If I am with a boy I'm attracted to and that level of physical contact (hugs and snuggles and sex) is not an option, then I want to be leaning on them or sitting close to them with my shoulder and arm against theirs, or walking close to them, or touching their arm or back when I talk to them, or finding ANY reason I can to have an excuse to touch them. It feels like this kind of thing is practically constant. And if I don't get that physical contact when I'm with these guys, I am super aware of it and often eventually become sad, and kind of shut down. If the hang out goes too long with them not touching me, I end up staring at their hands thinking about how I want their hands to touch me, and not even really listening to them talk anymore.

More Possibly Related Information:
1) When I feel bad it is most helpful for me to text boys I'm attracted to, just a stupid joke, and all of a sudden I will start to feel much better. Texting anyone else who is not a guy I'm attracted to, even if they love me, like my parents or friends, just isn't very effective in helping me feel better. And I don't really feel love for the people who love me (family and friends) back.
2) The guy I was first with, he joked about how touchy I was was almost like a compulsion. But he didn't mind, he reciprocated, he liked how much I touched.
3) I feel like I'm a sex addict sometimes. The first guy was the only one who could be considered a relationship, the other three after that were very casual, though I cared about all of them, and with the casual ones it seemed that I wanted sex more than them, and I was always the one being turned down for sex, and I'm a girl! Then if I'm in a period where I'm not having sex, depending on my level of business and mood, I can end up masturbating twice a day for long amounts of time, because I can't orgasm as quick if I do it so much, and I don't even feel that turned on, I'm not even sure why I do it.
4) I experience derealization 24/7 (except for whenever I was with my first boyfriend). It's very hard for me to connect to the world or to other humans. And when the boys touch me that is totally what I need, but at the same time, it still feels like I'm not being touched, in a sense, because of the derealization.

Backstory:
1) When I was in middle school I got this idea that all touch was sexual. That means that I didn't want to touch my friends, and that it made me have a sick to my stomach feeling about touching my parents. It still makes me have a sick feeling sometimes. And what I generally need is prolonged touches, and that feels disgusting and wrong to do with family or friends.
2) In high school I thought I was so ugly that people would be horrified to touch me. On the bus I would squeeze myself as close to the wall of the bus as I could, so that the people sitting next to me wouldn't have to go through the horror of being close to me. I hadn't really started to get over this, until this past summer, when I was 23 years old.
3) I wanted touch so bad, though, though I didn't want to admit it because I thought it was "bad" or weak, and so for years I really hardly had any physical contact at all. I still don't really have that much now.

I don't know what any of this means, but it doesn't feel normal, and I don't understand what's going on here. I wonder if my past or the derealization or the "sex addiction" (IS that sex addiction? In a mild form?) has anything to do with it, but I just can't put it together. I feel so lonely. Even when I'm with people I feel lonely, and part of why has to do with if they're not touching me.

Any ideas? Does anybody else feel like this? Please respond, I'm very confused and feel alone in this.