Here's the first thread of mine in this forum. The reason I have not earlier made a thread in this forum is because sex to me is a 'forbidden' subject to talk about so to speak, not for any religious or moral reasons, but because I have never really discussed or talked about it with anyone and because of my history of sexual abuse. Even after 10 years of counseling I still refuse to talk about my experiences of sexual abuse with a professional.

A concern I do have that isn't too deep or private is if I will ever experience sex in the future, i.e., be a virgin forever. How depressing would that be?

Unfortunately, I will admit that I likely have a higher than average (is there an average?) sex drive, although I have repressed this for a long, long time, and as much as I would like to be close to a female, my inability to connect with members of the opposite sex in my life makes me feel pessimistic about my future love life.

I suppose what I would like to ask is how to cope with these fears of being alone and being a virgin forever?

Someone I was chatting with on PC said that she has male friends that went to Thailand and came back with GFs, and although I think she meant it jokingly, if I become desperate enough I won't rule out doing something like that in the future.

I can't describe how much I don't want to be a lonely virgin for my entire life. I don't think I am beyond accepting love in exchange for money, because while I am told it's not real love, and I don't claim it is, real love seems like something that exists in a fantasy novel, not something I will ever experience. I have much more confidence in my ability to make a lot of money than be loved.

I wish I could turn off all these desires I have to connect with a woman; it would make things so much easier for me. Since I became interested in a relationship I have been an emotional train wreck.

Thanks for reading