Can anyone relate?
I"ve this intense anxiety lately. Lots of stress, but I believe current stresses alone wouldn't account for the extremely high level of anxiety. (Had my first anxiety attack this week!). I believe there's lots of historical (childhood) trauma that has not been processed.
Here's a problem I'm having with regard to processing old stuff. Please bear with me, as I am referring strictly to 'feelings' and not to any deliberate intent to cause physical harm to anyone. The problem is that it is nearly impossible for me to 'remember' the visceral experience of trauma, but current situation (such as a kid screaming) definitely trigger something in me. An anxiety. I'm unable to pinpoint the historical experience that is being triggered. I am unable to articulate what it is I am experiencing, all I can say is 'I am so anxious'.
Allow me to elaborate. I was at a (birth-) family get-together and my father was having an angry interaction with my mother. This was the first time I was finally able to put words to the experience I was having, and I was able to identify that I'm feeling 'anxious, insecure, frightened,' and basically 'insecure'. This was for me a great accomplishment, to be able to provide a word to describe the experience. Seems that all these years I was feeling so overwhelmed by the experience I simply suppressed it. And now I was able to be aware of what I was feeling and label the experience.
It makes me wonder, how much more is being held inside me, how much is being suppressed, I simply don't have the words to label my experiences. For example, when a kid screams, I still am not able to access the feeling it generates in me. All I can say is that I am so highly anxious when I hear a kid scream. I wish I could access the visceral experience and label it. To connect my current triggers with historical experiences.
So, here are some situations that make me feel highly 'anxious', yet I'd like to be able to put my finger on that 'anxious' feeling and pin it to a somatic historical experience. 1. my kids fighting
2. when one kid teases another
3. when a kid keeps calling for me
4. when my kid is angry at me

If you have something to contribute, insight or feedback, I appreciate it!